The first thing you need to start any kind of conversation is confidence. Finding the confidence to talk to anyone lies within your grasp, if you understand the requirements and the process that gives you that confidence.
Communication is the key to making friends, striking business deals, impressing public speaking, and even getting yourself a life partner. You cannot do any of these without talking to someone. Talking is one of the natural things humans do, almost as natural as breathing. There is no reason why anyone should fear the prospect of having to talk to someone, or even to a crowd.
Rules of Engagement
In order to pluck up the courage to talk to anyone, you need to have confidence. Confidence means that you have some knowledge of your self-worth. You need to project that confidence when you’re trying to open a conversation with someone. When people understand that listening to them will be worth their while, they will take the time to listen. Your confidence will show when you are comfortable with your self-worth.
To keep any conversation going, you need to be considerate. It means you have to as much aware of the person or persons you’re talking to as you are about yourself. Rather than rambling on about yourself, you need to give an the other person an equal opportunity to speak. Listen to what they say, ask questions, and make them feel important too.
Listen. Often said to be the most important part of a successful conversation or sale pitch. Listening to others gives you the opportunity to come up with a meaningful and relevant response. Just as important, it shows people you are sensitive to their needs. Just talking about yourself does not add up to a conversation.
Hold the listener’s interest. To be able to do this, you need to be conversant in a diverse range of subjects. Once you know what interests the person, you can concentrate on that subject. Keep broadening your horizons. The more you know about the world around you, the better you will be able converse.
Conversations become successful only when you are able to hold the listener’s interest. You might be speaking with ten different people every day. Do you think the same things interest all ten of them? If you can understand what people like and then talk in related realms, it really helps. .
A good memory is particularly helpful in any conversation. Remembering names, places, and details from previous conversations, often provide you with a source of subject matter to talk about. When you talk to some about something that pertains to them, you will almost always get a positive response.
Breaking the Ice
We often talk about “breaking the ice” when talking to someone unfamiliar to use for the first time. For instance, when you try to start a conversation with a romantic interest, or someone that’s aloof at work. It is about getting the other person interested in you, and to elicit a meaningful response. It’s the first step in starting a conversation and getting on communication terms with someone.
It implies that you’re taking the initiative. Not everyone you meet will be frank and friendly when you meet them for the first time. For most people, you will need to find ways of breaking the ice, for them to see you as someone they wish to talk to. A conversation initiated is the route to a potential friendship, a business collaboration, or a relationship. Doing it often will reduce your apprehension of talking to others.
Asking Someone for a Date
Asking someone on a date is generally considered to be a difficult thing to do. After all, there are only two possible answers – “yes” or “no”. At least that’s what we expect. But what you need to realize is that “maybe” could also be the start of conversation and a friendship.
The art of starting a conversation is to get people to talk to you. No one can guarantee a positive result, whichever method you use to start a conversation. You cannot predict what will happen as a consequence. But at the same time, most potentially fruitful opportunities are lost, because no one initiated the conversation. Just by breaking the ice, you’re already improving your chances.
Needless to say, you to be confident. But how do start the conversation? If you have a common interest that you’re aware, you could have something to say in that context. Or talk about the situation you find yourself in. Being honest and genuine works. By all means, think about what you will say. The last think you want, is to blurt out some remark that you will regret for a long time.
Do take the hints. A “no” means you have to move on. A non-committal response means you have more work to do. Keep foraging for something to talk about. If they like something, talk about it. A negative comment from your side, may mean the end of the conversation. When suggesting a date, start with something modest, perhaps with friends, rather than an something elaborate.
Owning an Interview
A lot normally depends on a job interview. In many situations it could turn out to be a life-changing experience. No wonder so many people fear interviews. Everything could depend on it. So, with all that that pressure, you must approach your job interviews with care.
You have to show them that you know your stuff, but at the same time you must not come across as brash. You have to walk a fine line here – not seem insolent but at the same time you must not seem submissive either. The impression you generate during your job interview stays with you throughout your career life.
You must prepare for an interview. Tell yourself you earned the right to the interview. On the day of the interview, dress subtly and do some breathing exercises to relax. Introduce yourself with a firm handshake, and make eye contact to show that you’re not nervous. Since you would have researched the common interview questions, you will be able to prepare your pitch or at least have answers ready for the more difficult questions,
You will probably be asked to walk them through your résumé. You should have this ready. Focus on the positive points, and have answers ready for commonly asked questions. For one, they will inevitably have questions about the more quirky aspects of your résumé. You may also be asked about your strengths and weaknesses. Be honest. Don’t overemphasize your plus points. Don’t dwell too much on your weaknesses. Act as though your weaknesses are quite commonplace, everyone has them.
The clincher is often when they ask your opinion on something, I may come out of the blue. You need to give a considered, but creative opinion. Don’t hold back, but don’t cross any lines. If you’ve done your homework, you can at least feel satisfied that you’ve given it your best, even if you are not successful in landing the job.
Public Speaking
Even eminent public speakers sometimes suffer stage-fright. We are social animals, but when it comes to facing a crowd in a commanding manner, many of us falter. But it’s all about preparation. The first thing you have to do is practice. Rehearsing the speech in your mind is a good start. If you don’t know your topic well, you would do well to spend some time updating yourself on the subject and the likely questions your audience may have.
While rehearsing, you must actually mentally place yourself on the stage. This will motivate you to put in more practice. Keep in mind that your audience is interested in what you have to say. Understand that your audience is with you, wanting to learn from your superior knowledge. Of course, if you’re giving a political talk on a controversial matter, you should have a ready response to a possibly adversarial response.
Your first sentence is the ice-breaker. If you deliver it well, the rest of the speech usually becomes a breeze. Having something witty to say, especially at the start, to get the audience laughing, will help you to relax.
It is important to focus on what you are trying to say, and not on your words. It is all right if some words come out slurred or your sentences are not grammatically correct. Few people will even notice. You do not need to be apologetic about mistakes or slip-ups. What’s important is the message you want to convey.
Don’t shy away from opportunities to speak to a crowed. Public speaking, done often, will improve your delivery and your confidence. Think of yourself as important and know your self-worth. You need to be confident.
Your First Lecture
Lecturing is a different type of communication. Of course, you need to show your expertise. Preparation is key, particularly if there will be a question session in the end. But in the normal course, you’re probably the expert, else you wouldn’t have been asked to lecture. People attending the lecture already trust you to an extent, and are there to learn from you. There is no reason why you shouldn’t be confident.
Make your entry into the lecture room or onto the stage purposeful. Dress as the occasion demands. The audience need to recognize that the lecturer has entered, not just another student. A good entry marks the beginning of a good lecture. Often, you will be introduced. If not, don’t just bombard them with your name. Introduce the lecture and give an indication of what interaction you expect from the audience.
Speaking of interaction, keep your lecture interactive. Interaction improves communication. Do get your audience to participate, for example by asking questions, eliciting opinions, or doing quick hands-up surveys. Make them think or ponder issues. Keeping the audience engrossed will make them less likely to be judgemental. It is all right to take pauses in the course of your speaking. During the short intervals you give them to think, you can take a moment to gather yourself.
Close with confidence too. Summarize all the points of your lecture, because your audience will be more alert toward the end of your lecture than they were during it, and sign off with a smile. People will judge you the first time they hear you speak. But remember, you’re instructing them on something they may not know and want to learn. This will give you the confidence you need to keep going.
Your Prospective Business Clients
Generally, you only get a few minutes to impress during business meetings with prospective clients. But since such meetings are generally with few willing participants, who are well versed in their fields, there is less pressure than speaking from a stage. Nevertheless, there a few things to keep in mind.
People in business like to talk about themselves and their business. They will want to tell you what they are looking for, how their business is placed, where you come in, etc. Give them a patient ear. In fact, ask questions to keep them going. You want to get to know more about them, in order to review the deal in your mind.
Remember that the prospective client probably needs you as much as you need them. You may have competition, but the fact that they have even considered an interview with you means that you have as good a chance as anyone else.
Get into the business at hand early in the meeting. This is the first thing that a prospective business client likes to hear. The small talk can wait. You can get into that once you struck a deal. Speak about what your business does, because that’s what you know best. It also builds your confidence. When you are done, address concerns they have – that’s good selling technique.
Do not lose your confidence even if the meeting gets rough. Keep calm and maintain a friendly, controlled tone. Many clients return even after bad meetings. Keep answering and asking questions. Talk money afterward. Don’t bring it initially into the picture. When you have fully understood your role in the deal, the talk about money will start.
Famous People and Celebrities
Being awe-struck doesn’t help when you have to speak with someone famous. It can be nerve-wracking for most people to go up to a celebrity and speak with them. But celebrities are also human, just like you. They suffer from the same emotional upheavals as we do. Most of the time, they’d love to talk to someone too, and to hear what their fans have to say. When you think this way, approaching a celebrity becomes easier.
Most celebrities love talking. Given half a chance, they will reciprocate. Or they’ll let you know soon enough, if something else is occupying their minds. Of course, if they’re surrounded by bodyguards, that sends a message by itself. The secret is to keep cool and not get hyper-excited. Mention some of the work they have done and what you liked. Celebrities love praise, but be frank. Remember to listen, in order to respond with something relevant and interesting.
If you have to deal with a famous person for a longer time such as officially accompanying them for an event, the rules of engagement apply even more. The ice-breaker will always be talk about some work they have done. Then you could move on to talking more specific things relating to the event you are both sharing.
Leadership and Communication
There are two kinds of leaders – those who possess an inborn quality, and those who have it thrust upon them. But in either case, you need to be able to communicate with people. Only by talking to people, can you convey your ideas, your decisions, and and your plans. And that is true whether you are the leader of a dozen people or a hundred thousand people. You need communication skills to be an effective leader.
As in all other forms of communication, you have to have one thing – confidence. You have to be confident that you can lead people. You are direct in your approach. You don’t slur. You don’t repeat things. You don’t mince words. Know what you want to say. You need to be convinced of whatever you need to say.
When you have to announce something, don’t blurt it out right away. Introduce the topic with one or two sentences before you get to the point. This will make your audience attentive, and their expectation will help emphasize the topic that you are going to talk about.
Keep its interactive. Allow questions and answers. Then all the pressure is not on you. Be friendly with your team, without being chummy. You’ll get more out of your team with a friendly, empathetic approach, than trying to intimidate them. Maintaining a leadership position is a continuous process and consistency is important.
Talking to people is educational, it is entertaining and it brings you closer to others. But for that to happen, you have to know how to talk to people in a variety of circumstances. These pointers should help you improve your communication skill now matter the situation you find yourself in.
